This is what made most engineering students become
... well, engineering students. The effects of physics as it is
applied to beer in a funnel.
June 30, 2003 THE FUNNEL
fun·nel
(noun)
1. Webster's definition: A conical utensil having a small hole or
narrow tube at the apex and used to channel the flow of a substance,
as into a small-mouthed container.
2. Our definition: A plastic cone with a hole duct tapped to
a hose used to drink beer faster than humanly possible causing you to
black out until the next day where you have to figure out why your pants
are on bur your undies are missing.
Who knew that simply attaching a hose to the end of a Funnel could produce
such a great way to consume alcohol (beer). Unfortunately, that information
isn't available on the internet so we don't know who invented the idea.
Hell, we didn't even bother to look up who invente the funnel (we did
find a picture of a little kitten swimming in a bird bath but that really
isn't important).
How to use a funnel:
Hold it up, fil it with beer attach mouth to hose and drink. Not the
most detailed instructions but at least they aren't backwards in japanese
(if you have never built anything you bought from walmart, you won't
understand).
Do's and Don'ts:
- Don't use a funnel on a hill in the rain or on the roof for that matter.
- Don't try to bypass your mouth by putting the hose directly into your
throat (it hurts)
- For christ sake ... no dark beer. It's like sucking down pudding.
- Not appropraite for weddings or funerals. However strangely acceptable
at baby showers and family reunions.
- Do use it as a trumpet to announce to everyone that you have done it
and are now the coolest kid at the party.
- Try to do more than one beer at a time quickly. It's good to numb yourself
early.
- If using a funnel that requires more than one person ... make sure
the other person doesn't mind getting puked on (just in case).
Caution:
As always we have to remind you that you should always drink with caution.
Hard hats are not just for construction sites. Seriously, funneling alcohol
stronger than beer will make you cry and make you look rediculous. Not
to mention that you will inevitably puke like a red headed step child
on a borrowed mule.
Nothing but love for the ladies:
Just want to take a moment to thank all those girls who do funnels with
us guys. You're truly pioineers of your era. Drink up and Drink fast
because if you don't we just get uglier. And tip for all those funneling
guys out there ... bring gum.
Want your own?:
Anyway, if you don't know how to make one just go to any of your local
hardware
stores and ask! The guy in plumbing can probably help you with your potato
gun
too! And there is nothing quite like funneling and firing a potato gun.
Just don't mix
them up ... potatos may be tasty but not when they're shot at a 175 miles
per hour
