CHERRY BOMBS |
Candied yum-yums... With
alcohol!! |
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August 8, 2003
I know what you are thinking … HAHAHA my uncle blow off his
thumb with one of those at last year’s pig roast. Sorry, no. Wait,
I bet you are thinking I am going to talk about that new shot. Nope,
not that either.
So what the hell is a Cherry Bomb? Well, good news, I am going to
tell you. A cherry bomb is the purest of all drinking delights. I simple
mix of fruit and grain alcohol (well not really, they would be lethal
but damn close). Still don’t get it? For those of you who are
looking at this with that Forrest Gump Face, I am talking about Cherries
soaked in 151 Bacardi Rum (could be anything over 100 proof). Oh no
you didn’t just frown at me, you may not believe it but I can
come over there and bitch-slap you.
These things are the greatest of all greats in the realm of alcoholic
splendor. No where else do you see such a simplistic combination that
has such great results (results based on how hard your face hits floor
after you have had a couple). Now the only downfall to these babies
is your own ability to show patience. I know that modern day society
frowns upon this ancient virtue but here patience does truly pay off.
You have to let the cherries soak up the alcohol. The longer you let
them soak the better they are (by better I mean more alcoholic).
Directions:
Bare with me this is tough. Go to the grocery store and buy some cherries
(in that glass jar in the mixer isle). Take it home and dump that sugary
slime they have been pickling in for a century. Ok, for those of you
who don’t have patience you have just poured liquid red all over
your floor (sucks to be you since that shit doesn’t ever come
off). For those of you who are smart enough to realize this, you have
poured it into your sink (gold star). Now that you have just the cherries
in the jar (hopefully you accomplished this without dumping the cherries
all over your dirty dishes in your sink). All you have to do is fill
the jar with alcohol. Tough right?
Now you can make the cherries stronger or weaker depending on how
much of the slime you leave in the jar before filling it with alcohol.
For beginners or weaklings, do half and half. I will warn you though,
if you choose to be a puss you will have to wait that much longer for
your delicious little treats.
Now that you have effectively combined the two, all you have to do
is wait. That’s the hardest part isn’t? Mouth watering waiting
… needing … DAMN IT! I need them now! Slow down there sugar-pants,
you have to wait at least a week. The longer you wait the more alcohol
is soaked into the cherries and the stronger the cherries get. Now if
you are a pillar of patience you can wait for an entire year. In which
case, the suckers will be white. When they turn white, please use caution,
they have the ability to turn you inside out and make you poop yourself.
I say that hoping that you head my warnings and save yourself from possible
embarrassment.
Do’s and Don’ts:
- Do use these as ice breakers at a party. Especially if you know the
party has a potential to have a hook-up factor worse than an 8th grade
dance.
- Do use them on cakes … not children’s
- Do serve them by the cup. More the merrier I say and I can’t
get enough of watching people pee themselves because they are too drunk
to know what they are doing.
- Don’t … DO NOT eat whole … chew you pussy. If you
can’t take the taste of alcohol, you shouldn’t be drinking.
- Don’t feed to small animals (except web monkeys)
- Don’t tell your friends which cherries are alcoholic. I don’t
think anything is funnier than that.
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