Drunken Gummies
December 7, 2003

First I need to explain what the hell a Gummy is. Easiest description is that it’s that weird chewy candy you buy just to throw around a movie theater. Back in the day there were only Gummy Bears but now the candy comes in all sorts of shapes and flavors: bears, worms, small bits of stuff you found stuck to your shoe, etc. Not forgetting we also have everything from life-size Gummy Lil’ Kim Dolls to Sour Gummy Paint Brushes. (If you know of a way to get your hands on the Lil’ Kim Doll … let me know.)

So where does the drunken part enter into the question? Honestly, if you can’t figure this one out, you should hang up your bear mug and take 12 steps in the other direction. Just remember that romance is the key! It requires a lot of vodka. You know how much I am talking … enough so that she forgets your broke and don’t have a car.

Here’s the science:

1. Get a bag of Gummy Candy. I prefer the Gummy bears and Worms. I like the bears because I hated watching their horrible cartoon as a kid and eating them makes me feel better. Some will say Gummy Worms are better. I do have to admit there is a definite benefit to watching hot girls slurp those down. In the end it doesn’t matter … hell mix ‘em all together for all I care.

Word of warning: avoid the sour gummies for this little alcoholic treat. I tried it once and I believe it had a similar affect of pop rocks and coke. Needless to say we sacrificed a couple towels to cleaning up the half dissolved candy mess that came back out.

2. Next you need some vodka. I am not talking that crap you get in a plastic jug either. If you are in a pinch obviously it would work but for the sake of your partygoers don’t be cruel. I prefer the flavored vodkas for my Gummy treats. I find that raspberry works the best and orange is a close second.

For those adventurous people out there you can try grain alcohol. I will warn you if you let them soak too long, the grain alcohol will dissolve the candy. Plus you might just end up with Gummy inspired trips to the hospital (moderation is a virtue).

Ok, so now you are ready. You have your Tupperware bowl full of slimy Drunken Gummies and you are ready to party. I know from experience that sometimes it takes a couple convincer drinks before anyone tries one. Trust me, once they do try them it is like moths to the flame.

Drunken Gummies are as potent as they are delicious so please be careful. I don’t remember what commercial I heard it in but “just a few will do ya”. As always, please send the webmonkey some pictures of your party treats and parties to add to our research.

Have fun.